Part 2: Dialogue between Saturn Veil and Undine: The Study of Self Through Names.

Click here to read Part 1: Dialogue between Saturn Veil and Undine

Saturn: Do you think you have fully embodied Undine?

Undine: Yes and No. Part of what draws me to the name is its connotations to water. I'm always attracted to water, change and fluidity. (fig 7) So the nature of the name itself leaves room for growth and transformation.. It’s funny… I was thinking about this recently, the idea of names and their hidden power because I’ve been rereading this book series called Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin. Okay bear with me I’m going to nerd out a bit: It’s about a land with wizards in this land called Earthsea, and the magic system in their world revolves around the concept of “true names”. To know the true name of an object, person, being is to understand its true nature on an almost spiritual level. And I of course am thinking how that applies to us, as Dommes and as sex workers more broadly. Of course, our Domme names act as a boundary of access to our private lives. But also the act of choosing a name gives us agency over telling the story of who we are. I think in my case, the way I use “Undine” is almost more like a noun, ya know, like I am actually “an undine”. So, it’s a defining of not only who but what I am.

S: I resonate with what you said. I just rebranded and took on a last name, Veil. I came out as Saturn in my vanilla life, so I don’t use my real name anymore. I feel that I am now living in my truth. My real name looks and sounds Japanese, but I am not Japanese. And because of my given name and the assumptions that came with it, I always felt I had to explain myself and my identity. I am light skinned and I have straight black hair so I am often mistaken as East Asian. That caused a lot of anxiety growing up because I never felt seen or had any representation of South East Asian culture growing up. Being Filipino is very complicated because our country was colonized so many times. First it was China between 10th and 16th century, then after Spain for more than 330 years. The United States swept in and replaced Spain in 1898. Then–briefly, compared to the others–Japan during WWII. Because there are so many imposed influences from other cultures, it is difficult to define what my culture and how our people are “suppose” to look like. It is so easy to be put in the “Asian” category. It never feels really true because I was born and raised in America. I follow Western culture, yet resonate with international customs and rituals. These simple labels intentionally reduce us with little to no room to dream beyond our multiplicity and complexity as humans. That is why I like the last name, Veil. It alludes there is something more hidden beyond the curtain/surface. You just have to uncover what is underneath, which is usually something deeper and more intriguing.

U: There I see another synchronicity. I feel like both our chosen names allow us to move through the world without being stereotyped.

S: Definitely! The act of renaming yourself is liberating. It makes me feel grounded and allows me to embrace the person I want to become.

S: So I wonder, why did you choose a name that originated from Europe?

S: I believe folklore is seen throughout all cultures because as humans we create stories to give meaning to the world and the unknown. I feel there are water spirits in Mexican culture, like Undine, but probably under a different name with a slightly different origin. I’m wondering if you found some creature that is similar to the water nymph in Mexican folklore.

U: The closest story and perhaps most famous I could think to compare would be La Llorona. (fig 8) Hers is more of a ghost story than anything else. It’s tragic and also tied to water, but she is more of a maternal figure... I try doing my own research on exploring more of the stories, mythologies, and creation myths that originate from my background. And it can be frustrating because that knowledge is not always accessible to me. There is the language and academic barrier for one. It can also be challenging to find stories that are not exclusively Aztec history, which is not even my heritage specifically. From what I have read, my “ancestors” didn’t keep written records. Stories and history were kept alive through oral tradition. So when colonizers took away our names and our language, so much of that was erased.

S: Yes, of course. I am sure the indigenous cultures have preserved those myths.There is always so much information to discover outside the United States.

U: Yeah, I feel there is so much to be said of the power of names as a tool of reclaiming power in regards to identity and oppression that I cannot do justice to here.~ but I digress. To answer your earlier question- I had a very Western upbringing, so those stories were my main point of reference growing up.

S: Same, I mean, the Romans named the planets. And so, our origins are always going to have a European viewpoint. I’m coming into myself, my identity, and my culture more seriously now. Names can tell us where we come from. The fact that we chose names that are not from our parent’s culture reveals how disconnected we are from our ancestry. However, that does not mean we are unable to reconnect to our parent’s origins. There is more to my story than always feeling like an “other”. I can belong in a different world, one created and made for me.
U: And I just belong in some other fantasy realm that doesn’t exist anywhere, hahaha.

S: Haha, I feel the same. I’m not from this Earth. That is why I’m a celestial being.

S: In terms of your Domme journey, what do you think you need to become who you are? What do you think you would need to feel truly like Undine?

U: I think it honestly just takes time to know yourself. Even in my personal life. I am a new person each year, and just to tie it back to death again ~What’s that one quote? “Forgive me, Lord! For I have died so little!” You know, I don’t feel the need to rush that process. I am still pretty early on in my career and I am fine with the fact that I am still exploring who I am as a Domme. In this industry (and under Capitalism more broadly) there is this pressure to figure out what your “brand “ is and to perform that. But as a human being my interests and desires will invariably change. I don’t know if that’s a “real” answer or not. Actually, I'd also add that my ongoing goal is ultimately to create work that reflects who I am, and to play with more people who are interested in using kink as a kind of metamorphosis (fig 9).

S: : Yeah! A Domme once said to me you are always welcome to change who you are. We are never defined. Just as the seasons change, we as humans are also invited to follow different phases to match the person we are now and our surroundings. For me, I know how I want to be seen. I have always understood my image because I am a photographer. My goal is to collaborate with more creatives that align with my vision. It is not easy to be your own photographer, stylist, art director, producer, and be the model at the same time. I want to focus more on other areas of my business. I want to prioritize my energy on my dedicated subs rather than my branding and advertising. Currently, I want my subs to serve my desires wholeheartedly, to grow, and change with me as a Domme. I value relationships that also foster my own personal growth. I am focusing on attracting those exciting subs that are willing to follow my lead and inspire me. I like to look at myself as a General and they are my soldiers.

U: Do you hear that subbies out there? Come join our empire.